A Babe Laughing is a Babe Conquered

Guys, where the shit have you been? See that, how I projected right there. You really shouldn't put up with it. But I've been so very busy. Listening to way too much Rihanna (featuring Calvin Harris- you better believe I hit Rihanna's part like an angel), I've been playing volleyball and doing yoga, writing, coaching-- I had my first parent meeting last night. I brought an outline and everything. Almost positive that I talked way too fast (you know the whole thing I have about taking up people's time). But I was super nervous--"My name's Blair, I am a volleyball dropout and your child's coach. Please don't approach me ever--unless it's to compliment me or bring sliced oranges."

How are all these holiday parties and Christmas functions? I mean it's rather taxing on the mental and physical body. The gluttony at unspeakable levels. We had Rob's entire side of the family over on Sunday for Christmas dinner a week early because Hayden and his babe are going to Fiji. 18 people. Honestly, I thought things started off pretty strong, heavy on the champagne and lot's of lemon and hot sauce on my oysters. Just how I like it. And then I don't know if it was because I looked like a lifeless zombie from the night before or what, but as Hayden, Rj, Rob, Holly slowly got a little more juiced it became the let's-show-everyone-how-funny-we-are-by-making-fun-of-Blair show. Well, they never actually use my real name. Peter only.

I won't get into all the subjects that they covered during their 3 hour long Christmas roast, but I swear to you it did not stop until had everybody left the house. As soon as any one person got off topic from verbally hazing the shit out of me, Hayden and RJ were right there to steer the conversation back. And wouldn't you know it, my best friend and the star of this blog, Holly Socci, well, she saw an opportunity and she swung for the fences. The lady hung me out to dry like a dirty wet rag.  Divulging and exploiting like a crooked gangster. No joke. On Monday, I sternly let her know that we are going to have to sit down and really reexamine the treaty and covenants that our friendship was first founded upon. Because it's going to take a hell of a lot to bounce back from this sort of flagrant betrayal. Blah Blah Blah, she kept chiming in like a goddamned parakeet. Throwing alley-oops to Hayden and RJ like CP3. Egregiously taking slam dunks like Blake Griffin.

And I kept saying, "Mom, what are you doing? We are on the same team, we've always been on the same team. We are best friends! Why are you doing this to me?!??!!" But it was all to no avail. She was too enthralled by the success of her jokes, elated with her new found fame. She really wouldn't have stopped if faced down by Zeus himself. Best friends just don't do that to each other, you know? While it was happening, I mostly just sat there in bewilderment as I knew this was a battle lost from the start. I suppose it's just part of being a little sister. Simply accepting one's place as a sacrificial animal to the elders. 

My sole consolation during this battered and bruised state- raviolis from scratch. And they were truly ethereal. Other worldly. Freshly made pasta, it melts. I am going to stop because this is starting to sound sexual. But if you ever get the chance with these bad boys, seize it. 

Alright then, blessings to you tonight.

XX, 

Petey